I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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