Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
