Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
