I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We don't watch enough power rangers
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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