I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
