I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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