go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
