I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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