I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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