hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
