My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
