Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
