She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize