My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
