I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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