I feel great
I just peed on a car
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
