I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
