so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
