I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Houston, we have a squirter
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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