Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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