my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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