Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
