i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
