it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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