Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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