Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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