So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You pole danced in your parka.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
