Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
