I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
