Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
