thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
