Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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