Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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