I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
