At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
