I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
