I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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