Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
