1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
