I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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