Plan B is the new Plan A
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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