I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
