I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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