Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
