called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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