i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Redeem this text for a blowjob
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
