Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
