Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
