He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
