Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
