apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize