This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
