dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
