at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
