I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
