This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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