me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
