Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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