How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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