I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize