I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
