My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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