i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
