Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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