Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
