i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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