I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize