you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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