They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
